The User's Manual to Your New Newsie!
by BroadwayJunkie
Summary: You know you've always wanted a real life, life sized Newsie unit! Well here's the User's Manual to your new Newsie unit for you to love forever and ever![Will do all Newsies and some others]
1. JACK

**I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaack! Well, I was on the RENT fanfictions and I saw the User's Guide to Your New Bohemian! By xRajahx and thought, "What if I made this into a Newsies User's guide?" And so in two and a half hours I made this!!! **

**So, I don't own this idea. I have no idea who it belongs to, I'm giving xRajahx credit for inspiring me, as they were inspired by someone else. I don't even own Newsies...I REALLY want a NEWSIES Unit now. (emo sigh) **

**First up is Jack! Review to tell me who you want next! **

**Enjoy!**

**THE USER'S GUIDE AND MANUAL TO:**

**JACK KELLY/FRANCIS SULLIVAN**

**COPYRIGHT: DISNEY**

**MAKING GIRLS SQUEE SINCE 1992**

**CHIEF TECHNICAL AND MECHANICAL ADMINISTRATOR: STAR LEWIS**

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEW PURCHASE OF

JACK KELLY/FRANCIS SULLIVAN

You now have a brand new, life sized, JACK unit. We thank you for your purchase and hope for you to be buying more NEWSIES units from us in the near future. To enjoy your JACK unit to the greatest pleasure please follow the simple instructions which we have provided in all languages, (sarcasm included)

**TECHNICAL INFORMATION:**

Name: Jack Kelly/Francis Sullvian

Type: Human Being (Male)

Manufacturing Company: Santa Fe Marketing Industry

Height: Six feet

Controls: Your JACK unit has been programmed to be voice activated. Only your JACK unit is stubborn and his thoughts may only be swayed by the DAVID unit or the SARAH unit.

(DAVID unit and SARAH unit sold seperatly)

**ACCESORIES:**

Your JACK unit comes with the following, with no extra shipping fees-

**Cowboy hat**- Your JACK unit is called Cowboy by some of the other NEWSIES. To be a true cowboy he has to have a cowboy hat.

(Cowboy hat-Color selection black. One size fits all.)

**Red Bandana**- Your JACK unit comes with a red bandana that is always around his neck. Even in jail.

**Clothing**- Your JACK unit comes dressed in a pair of dark SLACKS, a greyish SHIRT, SUSPENDERS, pinstripe VEST and SHOES. He also wears a pair of LONG-JOHNS underneath it all. There is also included a blue and white striped SHIRT, where nobody knows where it came from (see F.A.Q. section) A black JACKET for when your JACK unit goes to Irving Hall and a grey JACKET with matching pants, cabby hat and white shirt for when your JACK unit turns scab. (Please see troubleshooting section if this happens.)

(Note-Only take off clothes for CLEANING PURPOSES ONLY. Even when your JACK unit is around SARAH unit.)

If easily jealous do not let JACK unit around SARAH unit.

**OPERATING INSTRUCTIONS:**

Your JACK unit is created to be user-friendly and a leader.

**Leader-** Your JACK unit is a natural born leader. He will lead you in anything, such as a strike or even just a simple trip to the grocery store.

**Easy to Look At**- Your JACK unit is a very attractive unit. Feel free to swoon at your JACK unit for hours.

Note: If your JACK unit turns red, gets sweaty and his hair has lost its bounce and shine please see troubleshooting section or bathe your JACK unit.

**Dreamer**- Your JACK unit is a dreamer for hours on end. He even sings a song about his dreams, let JACK have his dreams or he will strike against you. (See troubleshooting information if this happens.)

Note: When you let your JACK unit dream he will perform a song and dance number in the streets (Called SANTA FE). Follow him to make sure nobody shoots him and to make sure the bulls aren't called.

**Buisnessman-** Need to sell that couch? Want to get a good bargain? Then let your JACK unit front for you. With his irresistable charm and charisma he will be able to sell or get anything for you.

**CLEANING INSTRUCTIONS:**

Yes your JACK unit needs to be cleaned every once in awhile. Your JACK unit is used to a cold bath with a cheap bar of yellow soap. However, if you want your JACK unit to love you anymore we recomend a hot bath/shower with expensive soap. (Scent is optional to your personal taste.)

**FAQs (FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS):**

**  
Q. **Jacky just got laid, is that a problem?

**A. **If your JACK unit has just got laid do not worry as it is a joke between JACK and the NEWSIES units. However if you have left your JACK unit and your SARAH unit alone too long this is a problem. Seperate your JACK unit and SARAH unit.

**Q. **Jack is singing about Santa Fe, is that a good thing?

**A. **Well, it depends. If you like listening to your JACK unit sing about his dreams then he will be happy to sing and do a little dance in the street for you (as seen in OPERATING INSTRUCTIONS) its a good thing. If you don't, suck it up or buy the I'M-SO-SICK-OF-SANTA-FE-RIGHT-NOW pill. More known as ISSOSFRW. You can buy the pill by calling 1-800-NEWSIES and asking for Bob.

See LAST NOTE section for health issues and side effects by taking this pill.

**Q.** My Jack is bored and lonely.

**A.** We recomend to buy one of our DAVID, RACETRACK, KID BLINK, MUSH, SKITTERY OR OTHER NEWSIE/NEWSIE FRIEND units. They are easy to buy for just three easy payments of $19.95!!!

**Q.** Why is Jack smirking at me?

**A.** Jack has a slight ego problem and smirks a lot. If you don't like it then you can send him back for a 25 refund.

**TROUBLESHOOTING:**

Santa Fe Marketing Industry is NOT responsible for your JACK's problems. We just make them. For some slight problems a cookie and a hug will make your JACK shut up for a bit. If they don't please see the following-

**Problem**- My Jack won't sing for me.

**Solution**- Your JACK unit is probably alone and its not at night. Your JACK unit will only sing at night or when he's with the NEWSIES.

Note: NEWSIES units sold seperatly.

**Problem**- My Jack got arrested!

**Solution**- First, DO NOT go bail him as he will yell at you and then sing a reprise of his song (Santa Fe). Let him turn scab and then switch him from SCAB to NEWSIE. (When JACK unit turns scab he will have a nifty outfit to wear see ACCESORIES for more information.)

Note: The switch to turn him from different things is on his back.

**Problem**- My Jack is lying to me!

**Solution**- Yes, that is an issue with our darling JACK unit. He is hiding from the bulls (police) so he has a different name, his real name is FRANCIS SULLIVAN. But seriously that's a pansy name so his new name is JACK KELLY. His father is in jail and his mother is dead. (Why JACK unit has so many problems right now.) The JACK unit is secretly emo and needs lots of hugs and cookies. JACK will occasionaly lie to you, when you find out his lies (in court or someplace else) put on a sad face. Then JACK will realize his faults and turn good again. If accompied by NEWSIES/NEWSIE FRIENDS they will sing a song and JACK will have ANOTHER nice outfit to wear (see ACCESSORIES for more information)

**Problem- **MY JACK LEFT ME!

**Solution-** Yes, your JACK unit will leave to go to Santa Fe. Do not fret, chase after him turn the switch from DREAMER to LEADER and then go about on your happy lives while dancing in the streets.

**Problem**-Why is my Jack all sweaty?

**Solution-** Your JACK unit will occasionaly turn red and sweaty and his hair will lose the natural bounce and shine it has. If your JACK unit does that then bathe him or keep him away from the MEDDA unit. JACK units turn red and sweaty when they see MEDDA. Its a glitch we're still working on.

**LAST NOTE:**

We thank your for buying your JACK unit and hope you two have a happy life together. Contact us at 1-800-NEWSIES if you'd like to buy another NEWSIE UNIT. Buy one NEWSIE unit get another HALF PRICE! Enjoy your JACK unit!

The ISSOSFRN pill is available for ONE easy payment of $29.99!!! Side effects may include itching, nausea, heartburn, vomiting, lack of sleep, swelling, unexpected bleeding, cramps, bloating, fatigue, calling out 'Bob' randomly, spastic body limbs and Restless Leg Syndrome. Do not take if you are nursing, pregnant, a Newsies fan or may become pregnant. says really really fast The ISSOSFRN pill doesn't work, in fact its a sin to hate the song Santa Fe or any song in _Newsies_. If you hated the song Santa Fe then please send back your JACK unit for a 25 refund. We get to keep the other 75 to buy candy and teddy bears for our amusement.

**Well now I'm not bored anymore and I really want a Jack unit now. Review to let me know what you think, who you want next or if I should never write again. Thanks!**


	2. SPOT

**By popular demand we have...**

**SPOT! Yes our darling Spot is our next manual! **

**I originally uploaded this chapter than blanked and remembered that Spot has a key around his neck. (sighs) so I had to re write this a bit.**

**Shout outs to everybody (and cookies) at the bottom.**

**Enjoy reading and review to who you want next!**

**I don't own Disney, or Kenny Ortega, or Spot, or Starbucks...**

**THE USER'S GUIDE AND MANUAL TO:**

**SPOT CONLON**

**COPYRIGHT: DISNEY**

**MAKING GIRLS SQUEE SINCE 1992**

**CHIEF TECHNICAL AND MECHANICAL ADMINISTRATOR: STAR LEWIS**

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEW PURCHASE OF

SPOT CONLON

You now have a brand new, life sized, SPOT unit. We thank you for your purchase and hope for you to be buying more NEWSIES units from us in the near future. To enjoy your SPOT unit to the greatest pleasure please follow the simple instructions which we have provided in all languages, (sarcasm included)

**TECHNICAL INFORMATION:**

Name: Spot Conlon

Type: Human Being (Male)

Manufacturing Company: Brooklyn Inc.

Height: Five foot four inches

Controls: Your SPOT unit has been programmed to be voice activated. Except your SPOT unit has a big ego and will probably not listen to you. We apologize for this in advance.

**ACCESORIES:**

Your SPOT unit comes with the following, with no extra shipping fees-

**Newsie Hat**- Your SPOT unit is a Newsie, therefore Newsies have NEWSIE HATS.

Note: One size fits all. Yes even with your SPOT unit's ego.

**Pimp Cane-**Your SPOT unit come with a PIMP CANE attatched at his hand at all times. Your SPOT unit's cane is black with a gold tip on it. Why does he carry a PIMP CANE? Because without it he wouldn't be taken seriously.

**Slingshot-**Your SPOT unit needs a weapon, so he has a brown SLINGSHOT that he carries aroundwith him.

**Key-** Your SPOT unit has a key around his neck which he wears at all times.

**Clothing**- Your SPOT unit comes with a green and cream checked SHIRT, LONG-JOHNS, red SUSPENDERS, a pair of SLACKS and SHOES.

Note: Your SPOT unit may be attacked by screaming fangirls. Its not pretty.

Note: Only take off clothes for CLEANING PURPOSES ONLY.

**OPERATING INSTRUCTIONS**

Your SPOT unit was manufactured and designed to be user-friendly and a boredom buster.

Besides bragging/showing off your SPOT unit he has a few sensible and very practical uses for your every day life.

**Leader-** Do you need a leader for a group activity or what not? Your SPOT unit can do just that, as he is the leader of the Brooklyn Newsies and would be estatic to lead your group

Note: If your SPOT unit does not want to lead because he isn't sure that your serious about it please see the TROUBLE SHOOTING section.

**Attractive-** Your SPOT unit is very attractive with his ice blue eys and brown hair. SPOT is made for you to swoon over, enjoy.

Note: Your SPOT unit attracts fangirls, if this happens please see the TROUBLE SHOOTING section.

**Good Aim-** Your SPOT unit has a fantastic aim when accompied by his SLINGSHOT! If you somehow get tricked and trapped inside the _World_ gates and evil old men are attacking you just call your SPOT unit! He will come and rescue you with his slingshot and even do an amazing hair flip.

See ACCESORIES for more info.

**CLEANING INSTRUCTIONS:**

Your SPOT unit must be washed in a porcelain tub with boiling water with lavender-vanilla bubble bath. If you use anything other than instructed fear the wrath of your SPOT unit.

Note: If happens please see TROUBLE SHOOTING.

**FAQs (FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS)**

**  
Q. **Why does Spot carry around that stupid cane?

**A. **How.Dare.You.For.Insulting.Your.SPOT.Unit's.Cane! Because your SPOT unit is freakin' amazing that's why he gets the cane.

**Q. **How come Spot is smirking?

**A. **Because, he's your SPOT unit and has an ego issue. See TROUBLE SHOOTING for more info.

**Q.** Why a porcelain tub with boiling water?

**A.** Because it rhymes with 'A saturday night with the mayor's daughter.' Water and daughter rhyme.

**Q.** Why do water and daughter rhyme?

**A.** That's like asking why you're an idiot. Stupidface.

**Q. **What's with the key?

**A.** Not sure.

**Q.** How come Spot doesn't sing?

**A.** Its all DISNEY'S fault. Your SPOT unit has a lovely voice but, your SPOT unit unfortunatly doesn't sing anything except 'A porcelain tub with boiling water.' If you do not want to hear that over and over please flip the switch from the KING OF NEW YORK setting to a SOMETHING ELSE setting. Since we feel HORRIBLE here at Brooklyn Inc because he is not able to sing anything else and the other NEWSIE units are able to we have put in some nifty sayings.

"Never Fear, Brooklyn is here!"

"Brooklyn!"

"Well if it ain't Jack be nimble Jack be quick."

"I say that what you say, is what I say."

"On the grounds of Brooklyn."

and others.

Note: If you have already purchased a MUSH unit, RACETRACK unit and a KID BLINK unit than you can set these four up and have a SING ALONG!

Note: He will only say the 'Jack be nimble' around the JACK unit.

**Q.** Nifty?

**A.** Yeah, its what all the cool cats say.

**TROUBLESHOOTING:**

Brooklyn Inc is NOT responsible for the following issues. We just make them we don't break them.

**Problem**- Spot is trying to kill Jack!

**Solution**- Yes, your JACK unit has probably turned scab. Please see the JACK Manual for further information.

**Problem**- My Spot is standing on tables and shaking his hands!

**Solution**- Your SPOT unit is probably on the KING OF NEW YORK setting. Switch him from KING OF NEW YORK to some other setting.

Note: The switch is on his back.

**Problem- **MY SPOT IS BEING ATTACKED!

**Solution-** Probably by fangirls. We apologize for this as we have made your SPOT unit too sexy. So sorry.

**Problem**- My Spot doesn't want to lead me...

**Solution-** He probably doesn't know that you are completly serious. In order to prove it to him you need to A) Get locked inside the World Gates or B) Do something else.

He will rescue you either way.

**Problem-** My Spot is acting like the King of New York!

**Solution-** Use the switch on his back to switch from EGOTISTIC to NORMAL. King of New York belongs to the RACETRACK unit and part of the DENTON unit.

**Problem-** My Spot is appearing at two places at once. He's behind Jack and then the next he's coming through the gates!

**Solution-** Go talk to DISNEY or KENNY ORTEGA. Not our fault.

**Problem- **I accidently bathed my Spot in different stuff than told.

**Solution- **Get down on your knees and REPENT to your SPOT unit.

**Problem- **My Spot is still smirking at me.

**Solution-** Deal. Your SPOT unit wouldn't look HALF as sexy without the smirk. Right? Yes, right.

**Problem-** My Spot...

**Solution-** Go to Starbucks, it fixes everything for your SPOT unit.

**LAST NOTE:**

We thank your for buying your SPOT unit and hope that you enjoy him so much that you buy more NEWSIES units from us by calling 1-800-NEWSIES. Enjoy your new SPOT unit!

**I enjoyed writing Spot's. Why? Because I learned how to spell two words that I should've know but I'm an idiot so I didn't know. They are Boiling and Porcelain! I thank Spot and Disney for teaching me how to spell. You learn something new everyday.**

**SHOUT OUTS! **

**letsimagine42- Thanks so much! A cookie for being the first reviewer and a cookie for reviewing!  
RaiKaine- Ahh! Huggles and cookies all around!  
duskwriter- Look I did Spot! Cookie!  
PassionateFire- Don't worry I won't leave you hanging as I am planning to do almost all newsies and some newsie friends. Blink and Mush are definantly in the plan. Cookie!  
Danc4him-Thanks! Cookie for you.**

**(takes bite out of cookie) I'll be back with the next newsie as soon as I can! Review to let me know who you want it to be!**


	3. RACETRACK

**Sorry this wasn't out sooner! I've been really busy with _Grease_ rehearsals and school and stuff. By request here is RACETRACK! **

**I don't own Newsies. That's very painful for me to say, I don't own Blood Drips Heavily on Newsies Square either. Anything Newsie related I don't own. (sigh)**

**THE USER'S GUIDE AND MANUAL TO:**

**RACETRACK HIGGINS**

**COPYRIGHT: DISNEY**

**MAKING GIRLS SQUEE SINCE 1992**

**CHIEF TECHNICAL AND MECHANICAL ADMINISTRATOR: STAR LEWIS**

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEW PURCHASE OF

RACETRACK HIGGINS

You now have a brand new, life sized, RACETRACK unit. We thank you for your purchase and hope for you to be buying more NEWSIES units from us in the near future. To enjoy your RACETRACK unit to the greatest pleasure please follow the simple instructions which we have provided in all languages, (sarcasm included)

**TECHNICAL INFORMATION:**

Name: Racetrack Higgins

Type: Human Being (Male)

Manufacturing Company: Sheapshead Bay Manufactors

Height: Five foot four inches

Controls: Your RACETRACK unit has been programmed to be voice activated and for your enjoyment.

**ACCESORIES:**

Your RACETRACK unit comes with the following, with no extra shipping fees-

**Newsie Hat**- Your RACETRACK unit is a Newsie, Newsies need newsie hats. Your RACETRACK unit's newsie hat is a navy blue color

Note: One size fits all.

**Cigar-** Your RACETRACK unit almost always has a cigar in hand/mouth until the SNIPESHOOTER unit steals it.

Note: Prepare for a musical number if the SNIPESHOOTER unit steals your RACETRACK unit's cigar.

**Poker Cards/Chips-** Your RACETRACK unit has a gambling problem, so he has to have his cards and chips with him at all times.

**Harmonica-** Your RACETRACK unit is very talented and knows how to play the harmonica.

**Clothing**- Your RACETRACK unit comes with a white SHIRT, a pair of SLACKS, SUSPENDERS, two VESTS, LONG-JOHNS and SHOES

Note: Only remove clothes for CLEANING PURPOSES ONLY

**OPERATING INSTRUCTIONS**

Your RACETRACK unit was manufactured and designed to be user-friendly and a good laugh

Besides bragging/showing off your RACETRACK unit he has a few sensible and very practical uses for your every day life.

**Gambler-** Do you just absolutley suck at poker or gambling? Then bring your RACETRACK unit with you to your next poker night or race. (Your RACETRACK unit loves to watch the races and will probably squee if your bring him there to gamble.) We gaurentee that you will win or your money back. (No not really)

**Funny-** Your RACETRACK unit has a smart mouth, he can make you laugh, insult people or confuse the people your insulting with his wit.

Note: If your RACETRACK unit insults you or confuse you see the TROUBLE SHOOTING section

**Musical-** Your RACETRACK unit is amazing in the musical area! He can sing, dance, tap dance AND play the harmonica! Bring him along to your next gig and go nuts!

**CLEANING INSTRUCTIONS:**

Your RACETRACK unit needs to be pampered with a bath with very hot water, jasmine bath crystals (not salts. CRYSTALS) and a blue rubber ducky. If your RACETRACK unit wants to take a shower he needs very hot water, a waterpik shower head, black raspberry vanilla soap and a facial scrub. If your RACETRACK unit gets anything less he will go into MAD ITALIAN MODE and will have a melt down. See TROUBLE SHOOTING if this happens.

**FAQs (FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS)**

**  
Q. **Why is my Racetrack acting like he's the King of New York?

**A. **Because your RACETRACK unit is.

**Q.** Do I need to buy a permanent box at the Sheepshead Races?

**A.** Your RACETRACK unit would love you forever if you did. You two will have a dandy time at the races!

**Q.** Dandy?

**A.** Stop questioning my vocabulary.

**Q.** Can I stop my Racetrack from gambling?

**A.** Psh. No.

**Q. **Remember that hot tip I told ya?

**A. **Yeah, nobody told the horse.

**Q.** Why is my Racetrack talking about what happened in 1899?

**A.** Your RACETRACK unit is probably on PROLOGUE mode, either buy another NEWSIE unit (preferably a KID BLINK unit or MUSH unit.) or if you have already purchased one of the units than SWITCH him from PROLOGUE mode to some other mode.

**TROUBLE SHOOTING:**

Sheepshead Bay Manufactors are NOT responsible for the following issues. We just make them we don't break them. If you cannot find your soultution SUCK IT UP and get on with your life. Or buy another NEWSIE unit!

**Problem**- Racetrack is asking where a chair is.

**Solution**- Yeah, your RACETRACK unit will do this if he is on the BLOOD DRIPS HEAVILY ON NEWSIES SQUARE mode, SWITCH him back to NEWSIES mode OR if you have the other NEWSIE units than you may set them up and they can PERFORM FOR YOU!

**Problem**- I uh, accidently didn't follow the cleaning instructions and now I'm scared.

**Solution**- Yes your RACETRACK unit will get pretty ticked if you don't follow the CLEANING INSTRUCTIONS. He probably has gone into MAD ITALIAN MODE and is now threatening to get the Mafia after you and running around doing an intimidating walk and swearing at you in Italian. Take your RACETRACK unit to the races, lock him in a room or push him off a building. You choose.

**Problem- **My Racetrack is confusing me with what he says.

**Solution-** Hmm. Have you been treating your RACETRACK unit well? If not than that's why he's probably confusing you.

**Problem- **Why is Racetrack singing "Hakuna Matata"?

**Solution- **Oops, your RACETRACK unit is on WRONG SHOW MODE, which happens with a bunch of our lovely NEWSIE units. Just turn the switch from LION KING to NEWSIES.

Note: Switch is on his back.

**Problem-** Everytime we walk past a news stand Racetrack tries to tip it over. What should I do?!

**Solution-** Um...not walk past a news stand? Yeah, don't do that.

**Problem-** Racetrack is kicking men in areas where they shouldn't be kicked!!

**Solution-** Remember the pretty switch? Switch it from STIKE mode to NORMAL mode. Try not to get kicked yourself.

**LAST NOTE:**

We thank your for buying your RACETRACK unit, we hope that you will start squeeing uncontrollably and love your RACETRACK unit to death. Remember you can always order more NEWSIES units by calling 1-800-NEWSIES today!'

**So yeah, tell me what you think, Like it? Love it? Hate it? Click the purplish button on the bottom that says "go" and then type and then you GET A COOKIE!**

**SHOUT OUTS**

**Curly-Q: Small request granted, thanks for reviewing! Have a cookie.**

**SilverRain1.3: Yay for loving it! I promise Mush will be coming VERY soon. Here's a cookie**

**Rai Kaine: Pimp canes are amazing, I need one myself. I need to intimidate people and we all know we can intimidate with sticks. (nods) Cookies!**

**Danc4Him: Cookies are nifty. Nifty is nifty, cool cats are nifty. Another nifty cookie.**

**duskwriter: Aww, thanks! Cookie.**

**letsimagine42: Thanks! I'd be one of the quiet fangirls, I wouldn't attack Spot. Blink on the other hand...(coughs) Have a cookie!**


	4. SKITTERY

**To be honest I had a lot of trouble with Skittery, I couldn't think of anything witty to say because well he's not that big in the movie. [I counted, only nine lines, including solos. Poor Skitts. So I tried my best, here's the SKITTERY unit! Review to let me know what you think!**

**Disclaimer- I don't own Newsies...or Skittery. -emosigh-**

**THE USER'S GUIDE AND MANUAL TO:**

**SKITTERY**

**COPYRIGHT: DISNEY**

**MAKING GIRLS SQUEE SINCE 1992**

**CHIEF TECHNICAL AND MECHANICAL ADMINISTRATOR: STAR LEWIS**

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEW PURCHASE OF

SKITTERY

You now have a brand new, life sized, SKITTERY unit. We thank you for your purchase and hope for you to be buying more NEWSIES units from us in the near future. To enjoy your SKITTERY unit to the greatest pleasure please follow the simple instructions which we have provided in all languages, (sarcasm included)

**TECHNICAL INFORMATION:**

Name: Skittery

Type: Human Being (Male)

Manufacturing Company: Glum and Dumb Company

Height: Five foot, ten inches.

Controls: Your SKITTERY unit has been programmed to be voice activated, but will probably not listen to you as your SKITTERY unit's thoughts are not easily swayed.

**ACCESORIES:**

Your SKITTERY unit comes with the following, with extra shipping fees, only you're not aware of that-

**Newsie Hat**- Your SKITTERY unit is a Newsie, Newsies need newsie hats. Your SKITTERY unit's newsie hat is a brownish color.

Note: One size fits all.

**Stick- **Your SKITTERY unit comes with a stick. A nice, long, brown stick that may also be used for fencing.

**Pink Long-Johns-** Your SKITTERY unit is a real man. Real men wear pink.

Note: Fangirls love pink.

**Clothing-** Your SKITTERY unit comes with gray SLACKS, a grayish SHIRT, blue SUSPENDERS, a brown VEST and shoes.

Note: Please restrain to take clothing off for CLEANING PURPOSES ONLY!

**OPERATING INSTRUCTIONS**

Your SKITTERY unit was manufactured and designed to be user-friendly and a hottie. But we didn't say that.

Besides bragging/showing off your SKITTERY unit he has a few sensible and very practical uses for your every day life.

**Amazing-** Your SKITTERY unit is flat out amazing, why? He can jump over his own foot. Show that amazing talent off.

**Pessimistic (AKA Emo)-** Your SKITTERY unit is a pessimistic, but that does have a good side! Do you have a friend that has no sympathy at all? We gaurentee that your SKITTERY unit will have your evil friend wanting to give him a hug.

Note: If the friend is a fangirl of your SKITTERY unit...watch out, or is the RACETRACK unit you'll get no sympathy.

**Talented-** Your SKITTERY unit is very talented. He can sing, dance, act AND direct!

**Huggable-** Since your SKITTERY unit is pretty much emo, he's in need of a lot of hugs. Your SKITTERY unit enjoys them..really, he does.

Note: Your SKITTERY unit will not enjoy them if you hug him too many times. Sorry. See TROUBLESHOOTING if this happens.

**CLEANING INSTRUCTIONS:**

Your SKITTERY unit loves anything from Bath and Body Works. Why? Not so sure. Just pamper him or else...the results aren't pretty.

**FAQs (FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS)**

**  
Q. **How can I wake my Skittery up in the morning?

**A. **Slap his foot and then his face.

Note: PLEASE do not do this every morning.

**Q.** So what? You get your picture in the papes, so what's that get you huh?

**A.** Oh shut up, you've been in a bad mood all day!

**Q.** Is WINter WAITin'?

**A.** Welcome to New York.

**Q.** Oh, you're an AD?

**A.** Um. Sure.

**Q. **How come I can't kill Skittery?

**A. **WHAT? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL YOUR SKITTERY UNIT?! WHAT HAS HE EVER DONE TO YOU?

(Your SKITTERY unit is also the MICHAEL GOORJIAN, which means he's invincible.)

**Q.** How can my hair be as amazing as Skittery's?

**A.** Pantene works wonders.

**Q.** Can I leave my Skittery unit alone with my three dogs, five cats, four fish and Elmo?

**A.** Your SKITTERY unit is very kind to Elmo. However, he does not like fish. So don't leave your SKITTERY unit alone with fish.

**Q.** What about my kids? Can I leave him alone with my kids?

**A.** Of course! Your SKITTERY unit adores young children and is a great mentor to them. Especially nameless ones in orange shirts.

**TROUBLE SHOOTING:**

Glum and Dumb Company are NOT responsible for the following issues. We just make them we don't break them. If you cannot find your soultution SUCK IT UP and get on with your life. Or buy another NEWSIE unit!

**Problem**- I hugged my Skittery too many times.

**Solution**- Bad move on your part. Wait at least 24 hours for your SKITTERY unit's memory drive to crash and then you may hug him only three times a day.

**Problem**- My Skittery is barely making a living right now!

**Solution**- Striking makes everything better. Just let him listen to your JACK unit and all will be well.

**Problem- **HELP! Skittery stole my towel!

**Solution-** Give your SKITTERY unit a buck and a cookie. He likes chocolate chip.

**Problem- **I think my Skittery is stalking young children.

**Solution- **Nah, your SKITTERY unit loves them. He huggles and squees with them.

**Problem-** Skittery won't die!

**Solution-** See FAQs...and may I add...WHY ARE YOU KILLING YOUR SKITTERY?!

**Problem- **Skittery doesn't want to take queens.

**Solution-** Send him with Bumlets and Specs. Your SKITTERY unit will enjoy that.

**LAST NOTE:**

We thank your for buying your SKITTERY unit, we hope that you will start squeeing uncontrollably and love your SKITTERY unit to death. Remember you can always order more NEWSIES units by calling 1-800-NEWSIES today!

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**Like it? Love it? Hate it? Let me know!**

**Up next...is MUSHY! Yep, MUSH's guide is next. Which should be very fun. After Mush tell me who you want next. [Don't worry Blink fans, he's my favorite so I have a lot of things for Blink. He's going to be either one of the last or very soon.**


	5. MUSH

**I'm so sorry it took me so long to update! I've been so busy with Grease, we had a great run and I miss it a ton. Thanks so much to those who reviewed and put this as a favorite! **

**By popular demand here is Mush! Yay Mush!**

**I don't own Newsies...unfortuantly.**

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**THE USER'S GUIDE AND MANUAL TO:**

**MUSH MEYERS**

**COPYRIGHT: DISNEY**

**MAKING GIRLS SQUEE SINCE 1992**

**CHIEF TECHNICAL AND MECHANICAL ADMINISTRATOR: BroadwayJunkie**

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEW PURCHASE OF

MUSH MEYERS

You now have a brand new, life sized, MUSH unit. We thank you for your purchase and hope for you to be buying more NEWSIES units from us in the near future. To enjoy your MUSH unit to the greatest pleasure please follow the simple instructions which we have provided in all languages, (sarcasm included)

**TECHNICAL INFORMATION:**

Name: Mush Meyers

Type: Human Being (Male)

Manufacturing Company: Bottle Alley Incorporated

Height: Five foot, seven inches

Controls: Your MUSH unit has been programmed to be voice activated, with the exception of when a RACETRACK or KID BLINK unit is around and when the SKITTERY unit's face crashes into your MUSH unit's face.

**ACCESORIES:**

Your MUSH unit comes with the following, with extra shipping fees, only you're not aware of that-

**Newsie Hat**- Your MUSH unit is a Newsie, Newsies need newsie hats. Your MUSH unit's newsie hat is a gray/blue color.

Note: One size fits all.

**Blue Boxers-** As this special one of a kind offer we are selling BLUE BOXERS SHORTS for your MUSH unit to wear under his pants and can be seen during Carrying the Banner.

**Clothing-** Your MUSH unit comes with brown SHORTS, SUSPENDERS, a green SHIRT, a brown VEST, SHOES that do not have matchin' laces and LONGJOHNS for when all the Newsies decide to lose most of their clothing.

Note: Please restrain to take clothing off for CLEANING PURPOSES ONLY!

**OPERATING INSTRUCTIONS**

Your MUSH unit was manufactured and designed to be user-friendly and a hottie. But we didn't say that.

Besides bragging/showing off your MUSH unit he has a few sensible and very practical uses for your every day life.

**Flipper/Gymnast-** Your MUSH unit does a lot of spiffy and cool flips. Take him to show off the flips or let him compete with the wanna be's!

**Teddy Bear-** Your MUSH is naive and very adorable. He's a teddy bear to most fangirls.

Note: Don't let fangirls near the MUSH unit. See TROUBLE SHOOTING IF THIS HAPPENS.

**Triple Threat-** Your MUSH unit sings beautifully, dances wonderfully and acts spledously! Bring him to your next party and let him sing for you all!

Note: Lots of people love the MUSH unit, beware.

**Caring-** Your MUSH unit cares about important things, like how you slept.

**Workout Trainer- **Your MUSH unit has abs of steel, he can help whip you into shape.

Note: Please see the FAQ and the LAST NOTE sections for more information.

**CLEANING INSTRUCTIONS:**

Your MUSH unit likes to be cleansed with AXE body wash and must be sprayed with AXE body wash. Bow chicka wow wow.

**FAQs (FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS)**

**  
Q. **Will I lose my dignity?

**A. **Wrong show doofus.

**Q.** When are the others comin' Kid?

**A.** Wait for it...wait for it. Okay, Spot disappeared, here they come! (This is where we all cheer and march around in a circle.)

**Q.** How come Mush wasn't in BDHONS as much as the others?

**A.** Ummm. Well, uhm. (Dear me.) Um, No idea.

**Q.** Will someone care?

**A.** I'm pretty sure someone would care.

**Q. **How can I have abs of steel like Mush?

**A. **Good question, if you order now you can get your "I WANT ABS OF STEEL LIKE MUSH" workout video today for just $19.99!

Please see LAST NOTE on how to order the "I WANT ABS OF STEEL LIKE MUSH" workout video.

**Q.** Will I wake tommorrow from this nightmare?

**A.** Ooh, nightmares suck. Don't eat burritos before bed, it gives you nightmares.

**Q.** Does Mush like cookies?

**A.** Yes, your MUSH unit loves cookies.

**Q.** So what's up with Mush wanting shoes?

**A.** Dear reader, not just any shoes. Shoes with MATCHIN' LACES. Do you know how rare it is to get shoes with matching laces? Its very rare, I mean the shoes I have on right now aren't...oh wait, I'm not wearing shoes. Anyways, the point is matching laces are almost as cool as legwarmers.

**TROUBLE SHOOTING:**

Bottle Alley Incorporated are NOT responsible for the following issues. We just make them we don't break them. If you cannot find your soultution SUCK IT UP and get on with your life. Or buy another NEWSIE unit!

**Problem**- People keep wanting to hug my Mush! I'm a very jealous person, please help!

**Solution**- Aww, your MUSH unit likes to be hugged, but only to a certain extent. If a fangirl comes and attacks your MUSH unit or even your NEWSIE unit, order the FANGIRL BEATER to fight off stubborn fangirls.

Note: Please see LAST NOTE to find out how to order.

**Problem**- I'm really tired of Mush asking me how I slept.

**Solution**- Ignore your poor MUSH unit, just not to the point where he will go depressed and attacks you. That's not very cool.

**Problem- **My Mush keeps asking questions that begin with "Will I?"

**Solution-** Turn that handy little switch from RENT to Newsies. Although we all love that the MUSH unit sings RENT songs as well.

**LAST NOTE:**

We thank your for buying your MUSH unit, we hope that you will start squeeing uncontrollably and love your MUSH unit to death. Remember you can always order more NEWSIES units by calling 1-800-NEWSIES today!

**HOW TO ORDER THE "I WANT ABS LIKE MUSH" WORKOUT VIDEO:**

Call 1-800-ABS-MUSH right now to get your I WANT ABS LIKE MUSH workout video! Comes with twenty easy workouts to help tone, shapen, lift and flatten your abs! Its just for $19.99!

**HOW TO ORDER THE "FANGIRL BEATER":**

Pesky fangirls annoying you and your NEWSIE unit? We sympathasize with you and have made a handy new item just for that purpose! The Fangirl Beater has three settings, Annoying, Super Annoying and I'm Gonna Kill Them Annoying. Select your setting and let the Fangirl Beather do its charm!

Note: Do not use if you are around the police, they don't think its funny and they will arrest you.

To order the Fangirl Beater just call 1-800-FAN-BEAT. Enjoy!

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**Since I've been so busy (and I'm flat out exhausted) I don't have time for shoutouts. (snifflesob) I'm so sorry! I love you all and you get cookies for reviewing. Let me know how much you liked this chapter and then tell me who you want next!**


	6. KID BLINK

**A/N: So I know I haven't updated in forever. Go ahead...throw stuff at me. BUT! I have a good reason. Back in April my uncle was diagnosed with brain cancer, and now he's in the final stages of it. Its been back-and-forth, and its really hitting me hard. I also have been busy with auditions for "Singin' In the Rain". So that's enough about my excuse for not updating.**

**This chapter...I'm not sure what I think of it. Kid Blink is my FAVORITE newsie, but I somehow found that this was extremely difficult to write. Let me know what you think of it, (and you'll get HALF OFF on any NEWSIE unit you want.) Plus, I need some suggestions for who to do. I still want to do David, Medda, Sarah and Denton, but other suggestions would be fantastic!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Newsies.**

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**THE USER'S GUIDE AND MANUAL TO:**

**KID BLINK**

**COPYRIGHT: DISNEY**

**MAKING GIRLS SQUEE SINCE 1992**

**CHIEF TECHNICAL AND MECHANICAL ADMINISTRATOR: BroadwayJunkie**

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEW PURCHASE OF

KID BLINK

You now have a brand new, life sized, KID BLINK unit. We thank you for your purchase and hope for you to be buying more NEWSIES units from us in the near future. To enjoy your KID BLINK unit to the greatest pleasure please follow the simple instructions which we have provided in all languages, (sarcasm included)

**TECHNICAL INFORMATION:**

Name: Kid Blink

Type: Human Being (Male)

Manufacturing Company: Eye Patches and Co.

Height: Five feet, eight and a half inches

Controls: Your KID BLINK unit has been programmed to be voice activated, with the exception of when a RACETRACK or MUSH unit is around, and when a JACK unit is making a speech.

**ACCESORIES:**

Your KID BLINK unit comes with the following, with extra shipping fees, only you're not aware of that-

**Newsie Hat**- Your KID BLINK unit is a Newsie, Newsies need newsie hats. Your KID BLINK unit's newsie hat comes in the color brown.

Note: One size fits all.

**Eyepatch-** Your KID BLINK unit wears an eyepatch over his left eye at all times. We do not know if the KID BLINK unit is blind in that eye or if its just for pity. We made your KID BLINK unit with two working eyes. If you do not like the eyepatch than you may take it off and enjoy your KID BLINK unit's blue eyes. However, if you like the eyepatch and is one of the many who thinks its sexy, than you may keep it on.

Note: Fangirls love the eyepatch. Don't say that we didn't warn you, because we did...like, just now.

**Rally Outfit-** With this special, one time offer, your KID BLINK unit comes with a long, chocolate brown COAT and a green, pinstriped VEST. So that way your KID BLINK unit can defy gravity at the Rally!

**Clothing-** Your KID BLINK unit comes with white LONG-JOHNS, khaki colored SLACKS, black SOCKS, a white pinstriped SHIRT, a brown VEST, a blue TIE, a pinkish colored SHIRT, a brown BELT and black SHOES.

Note: Yes, we at Eye Patches and Co. already know that your KID BLINK unit wears a ridiculous amount of clothes. Your KID BLINK unit is a very modest person.

Note: Please restrain to take clothing off for CLEANING PURPOSES ONLY!

**OPERATING INSTRUCTIONS**

Your KID BLINK unit was manufactured and designed to be user-friendly and a hottie. But we didn't say that.

Besides bragging/showing off your KID BLINK unit he has a few sensible and very practical uses for your every day life.

**SUPPORTER-** Your KID BLINK unit is very supporting in everything that you do. He will yell out phrases such as "TELL 'EM (INSERT NAME HERE)" so that way you have someone supporting you in your rally, sports game or bake sale!

**HAPPY-** Your KID BLINK unit is a very happy person and can be seen with a smile on his face at all times. (Except for when the JACK unit turns scab or when the NEWSIE units learn that their prices went up one-tenth of a cent.)

**PROTECTIVE-** Your KID BLINK unit loves all of his friends, (and you are one of his friends! Be happy, be very happy.) So he is very protective of you, he would even take a cup full of Ex-Lax for you.

Note: See TROUBLE SHOOTING if your KID BLINK unit drinks a cup full of ex-lax.

**BRAVE-** Your KID BLINK unit is brave. Which other newsie volunteered to go to Harlem first? Which other newsie hung off of a railing just to sing with Medda? Which other newsie tackled a meanie-head police officer to the ground? Your KID BLINK unit did all of those and more! Enjoy the boldness of the risk-taking, dare-devil Kid Blink!

**MOTHERLY- **Do you get into fights with that annoying kid who steals your cigars? Do you have to be reminded constantly that you have work to do? Do you need help waking up in the morning? Never fear, your KID BLINK unit is there for you! He will break up fights and remind you of things that you need to be reminded of!

**MONEY-SMELLER-** Your KID BLINK unit has a very unique talent, he can smell money from a yard away! Now that's talent!

**CLEANING INSTRUCTIONS:**

Make sure that you clense your KID BLINK unit thoroughly with something that smells nice, you don't want the CRUTCHY unit to complain about his overly-sensitive nose smelling the manliness of your KID BLINK unit now do you?

Note: See TROUBLE SHOOTING if the CRUTCHY unit begins complaining.

**FAQs (FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS)**

**  
Q. **Can my Blink unit actually smell money?

**A. **Yes he can! Its one of his talents. (See OPERATING INSTRUCTIONS for more information.)

**Q.** Since when did you become me muddah?

**A.** ...I'm your mother?

**Q.** What's up with Blink and his obsession with the mayor's daughter?

**A.** Your KID BLINK unit has a teenaged crush! (Cues Aw-ing sounds) Don't be jealous, you're still his favorite!

**Q.** What are you doing Jack?!

**A.** Jack is probably on a "Santa Fe Spree", Also known as SFS. Your KID BLINK unit is deeply concerned with this, just tell him to ignore it, and move on.

**Q. **Would you do me a favor?

**A. **Well...erm...no.

**Q.** Can you hold this for me?

**A.** One word of advice, NEVER trust strangers with your drinks. Has your mother/father/gaurdian EVER taught you that you DO NOT talk to strangers. I am ashamed...Oh, and so is your KID BLINK unit.

**Q.** Do I need to brush my teeth?

**A.** If you'd like to communicate while speaking to your KID BLINK unit, than I suggest, YES. Your KID BLINK unit does not like people who do not keep up their oral hygeine.

**Q.** And now they jack up the price, can you believe that?!

**A.** Um...We hope you are enjoying your KID BLINK unit thoroughly! (gives a fake cheesy smile)

**TROUBLE SHOOTING:**

Eye Patches and Co. are NOT responsible for the following issues. We just make them we don't break them. If you cannot find your soultution SUCK IT UP and get on with your life. Or buy another NEWSIE unit!

**Problem**- OH EM GEE! MY BLINK JUST DRANK A CUP FULL OF EX LAX!

**Solution**- Well...we are very sad to tell you that there is no hope. Your KID BLINK unit cannot be spared. UNLESS You send him to Intensive Newsie Care (INC) for a price of $29.95. Call 1-800-INC-BLINK for more information.

**Problem**- My Blink is hopping on gates and yelling things about eating beans to the people behind them.

**Solution**- Turn your KID BLINK unit's switch from STRIKE to NORMAL.

**Problem- **My Blink hasn't been acting like himself.

**Solution-** Aww, he's probably bummed out because, A) Jack turned scab, B) Jack left, or C) Mush called him a pansy. Give your KID BLINK unit a hug and/or a cookie and that should cheer him up.

**Problem-** Crutchy is complaining about my Blink's smell again.

**Solution- **Bathe your KID BLINK unit, and if your CRUTCHY unit doesn't shut up, give him a doughnut.

**Problem-** My Blink is acting like an indian!

**Solution-** Don't worry, this is normal. Your KID BLINK unit loves to act like an indian with the SKITTERY unit.

**LAST NOTE:**

We thank your for buying your KID BLINK unit, we hope that you will start squeeing uncontrollably and love your KID BLINK unit to death. Remember you can always order more NEWSIES units by calling 1-800-NEWSIES today!

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**A/N: So that's it for Blink! Reviews are appreciated.**


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